Blogpost 4: Polyamory in Television

With the knowledge I've learned from the previous blogposts and researches I made, I started to find real life polyamorous people. Upon researching in the internet about Polyamory, I've learned that it has a reality TV series in an American television network named Showtime that is entitled "Polyamory: Married & Dating". It's a story of Anthony, Vanessa and Lindsey that are Triad, and Michael, Tahl, Kamala and Jennifer that are Quad.

As I watched the first episode of the series, the story centers in the problem of Anthony and Vanessa that Lindsey has another relationship that is named Krystof. The two were worried because it might affect the Triad. The story also centers with Kamala and Michael who asked their lovers Tahl and Jennifer to move in with them. There were problems at first because of Jeniffer having issues on moving in but at the end it was fixed because Tahl and Jennifer agreed to move in.

Story #1: (Anthony, Lindsey, Vanessa)

Their part of the story started with Lindsey who just got home to her family(Anthony and Vanessa) from far away because of school. I can tell that they've missed each other so much that they started to kiss and hug each other every time. But one problem came up when Anthony brought up the topic of Lindsey having a relationship with a guy named Krystof. Vanessa didn't want to talk about it because she wanted to enjoy the moment with Lindsey who just got home and whom she missed so much. But later on, Anthony, especially Vanessa, got upset when they found out that Lindsey spends more time with Krystof than any of them so they decided to have dinner to talk about it. As they discussed about it, they've said hurtful things to each other but at the end they got better and decided to go upstairs to have sex.

In the story of the three of them as a Triad, I've learned there really are rules in practicing polyamory. When the three of them talked about their problem over dinner, they mentioned their rules in the relationship. Rule #1 according to Anthony is "Honesty. You tell everything to each other, no matter how hurtful. Rule #2 according to Lindsey is "Safety", which she elaborated that the two of them have nothing to be worried about with her relationship with Krystof. Rule #3 is "Permission ahead of time". And lastly, Rule #4 is "Veto Power", which according to Vanessa, "No date, no night of sex with someone else. No little romantic moment is worth hurting the partners if one of the partners says "I can't handle this right now"." Vanessa said that Lindsey had developed an intimacy that didn't abide by the basic principles that they have as a Triad. She also said that one of the biggest challenges in polyamory is jelousy of other lovers.

One opinion of mine is that rules like these are applied for them to have an understanding with what they have as a relationship. They set these rules to protect each other, not to give restrictions, but for the safety and health of the relationship itself. And I think what they did at the end is what we call "make-up sex". Well make-up sex can be good and bad. Yes it is good and healthy but at the end, it doesn't really fix things for sure. I still believe that the best way to fix problems in life is to face them and deal with it no matter what it takes.


Story #2: (Michael, Kamala, Tahl, Jennifer)

 

Their story started with the four of them gathering at the house of Michael and Kamala. They're having conversations like a normal family is doing at their household. Michael and Kamala have a son who also enjoys when Tahl and Jennifer are around. It's like he also treats Tahl and Jennifer as his parents. Later on, after eating and doing other stuff, Tahl and Jennifer decided to leave and head at their own home.

The next day was a big day for the four of them as a Quad because Michael and Kamala are having preparations and planning to convince Tahl and Jennifer to move in with them. So they called Tahl and Jennifer to let them know that they will be coming over at their house and talk about something. Jennifer was curious and at the same time nervous of what was so important to talk about that they want to go at their house urgently instead of saying it over the phone. Jennifer thought that they will break up with them.

As Michael and Kamala arrived at their house, I can see the look on Jennifer's face that she is nervous in what they want to say. So they decided to go to the bedroom and finally talk about it. As Kamala said what they're really up to, Jennifer was relieved but at the same time she was shocked. She didn't know what to say. But they didn't deny the fact that she and Tahl had conversations about the topic of moving in. The problem of their story came up when Jennifer said that she has some concerns about moving in with Michael and Kamala. Kamala thought that Jeniffer would say "no". She thought on how they can keep going forward if they would not build that dream together. Jealousy is the issue for Jeniffer because when Tahl gets home, she wants to have sex and sometimes Tahl doesn't want to because he's tired of work. She thinks that if they can't have sex when the two of them on their own, what more if there are more people involved. For Jeniffer, it takes a lot of conversations to deal with jealousy. She even said, "If you don't want to do personal work, then polyamory might not be for you". Kamala said that Tahl and her have a hot connection with each other and they don't get enough time together that's why she wants them to move in with them. Jeniffer gets it but this is a different situation. She already made adjustments since becoming polyamorous but this time, Tahl needs agreement from her. Tahl has no problem about moving in. But he is having difficulties in polyamory because of Jeniffer. Jennifer's condition was if they will decide to move in, she wants to get the time of sex at night. She can give the day of Tahl to Kamala. Jeniffer was afraid but at the same time excited so she agreed to move in.

I've realized that polamory is only different to monogamy in terms of how many are involved. Rules in monogamy, even not said, are applied just like in Polyamory. Polayamory also involves romantic moments and real feelings, not only intimate, which I thought at first. They really do love each other as a family as the way monogamous people have.